purchasewatson

So I just had my birthday, and it was pretty good (save for the fact that I couldn't spend it with my favorite person it was quite awesome). I got two boxes o' magic cards and a cell phone to be picked up later this week, plus a wonderful buncha gifts from Amie and the sweetest birthday card I've ever been given.

In response to the latest HP book coming out, I wanted to post some little known facts about Neville Longbottom in the same vein as our beloved Chuck Norris.

~Neville Longbottom is the source of Euclidean geometry
~Neville Longbottom uses a totem pole as a wand
~The Elder Wand has a Neville Longbottom hair core
~Neville Longbottom's grandmother is actually three veela in a suit
~Neville Longbottom uses Nagini as a condom
~Neville Longbottom was never born, he was forged by master goblin craftsmen and is still considered to be just borrowed by the human race
~Neville Longbottom can excrete a philosopher's stone after eating three chocolate frog
~If wizard heaven is a train station, then wizard hell is a world devoid of Neville Longbottom
~Neville Longbottom paper trained Fenrir Greyback

I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoy writing them. Also, that icon is one of my favorites, Ben's face in response to the destruction of his beloved/hated submarine. Classic.

So recently I've been scouring ebay for a piece of the Aggro Crag. That's right, the legendary trophy from Nickelodeon Guts must be mine.

But please, allow me to explain.

It is not merely the piece of the crag that I desire, it's more that I want to buy it for the sake of buying it. I want to be the person that pays to purchase someone else's precious childhood trophy, I want to pay shipping and handling on their memories. What would make it even sweeter is if the person in question needed the money for drugs. Also if possible, I need to buy the medal they got and the tape of the show that they got for free.

I know, I'm just a little off.

For those of you that can't tell what that is, it's a plush Necronomicon and now I have it. It's not really for me per se, it's so that one day my kids can come up to me with their little fluffy pillow and say, "Hey Daddy, when will Cthulhu arise from the ancient sunken city of R'yleh?" Then a proud little tear will form in my eye and I'll say, "Soon my child, soon."

Okay, so I had this weird ass dream the other night, but let me start off with a little story/explaination. My parents are ADDICTED to CSI: Las Vegas, when I'd come back from school they had seasons one and two on dvd, and basically all we did as a family was watch this show. That seems like we didn't spend that much time together so allow me to elaborate. When I said all we did as a family I don't mean watch an episode and then go our separate ways for the day, I mean my parents will pop in a dvd and we'll watch it, then pop in another one and watch it, pretty much until my parents pass out. For Christmas my sister and I got them season 3, they watched that in less than a week and the day after they finished they bought seasons 4 and 5. Lather, rinse, and repeat the cycle. Needless to say, a lot of CSI has been watched at this point.

Having said that, the other night I had a dream about CSI.

It started out that I was just ordinary me, going to some sort of amusement/theme park. On the line for a roller coaster apparrently a murder occurred and the crime scene investigators asked me to help them. The next thing I know I'm interrogating their lead suspect and he's just furiously yelling at me, veins in the neck and everything. Eventually this ends and he gets escorted away and the guy that wasn't Grissom, but I knew at the same time that he was Grissom, comes up to me and says, "Looks like he didn't tell us anything useful." To which I reply, "Au contraire, it seems our friend here was a spitter." Then I reveal the shoulder of my shirt, which the man spat blood on while he was yelling at me, a fact which oddly enough didn't come to light till that very moment. Then I say, "Run this over to DNA." I take off my shirt and underneath it is a copy of the exact same shirt, then I get on a roller coaster and the dream ends.

I need to dream more.

Okay, I'm not sure how many of you have seen this show yet, but I just wanted to make a quick post. Anyway, the show's called Metalocalypse and it's about this death metal band called Dethklok. The show is one of the most funny and absurd things on television right now and I command you all to watch it! You can find episodes on adultswim.com in the "fix" area.

Dethklok rules!

Hello everybody, at the very sweet request of Amie I've decided to post again. I'm using a new icon that she made (as anyone that's seen me attempt to work Photoshop before can say, it's surprisingly akin to watching a palsy ridden chimp attempt to perform brain-surgery with nothing but a very blunt rock), which I like for two reasons: the first is that it's an amazingly sweet picture that makes me feel all fluffy inside like I just ate a muppet, the second is that the picture is tiny enough that you can't see my bad "photo eyes".

Now, when most people get weirdness in their eyes within photos it just sorta gives 'em glare or maybe they blink halfway. For me I've had some sort of gypsy curse placed upon my head that just annihilates any prospect of looking credible within pictures as my eyes for some reason completely lose focus and I look like I've been smoking pot for about five hours in whatever picture I'm in. It's kinda sad as all the pictures we took on this night have Amie looking absolutely gorgeous and all dressed up, whereas I look like I'm five seconds from passing out on the floor and searching for doritos after a looooong nap.

So yes, new stuff, lemme think for a second. In general things're going pretty great right now, my thesis is coming along rather well (I can't believe I actually had to read runes, but that's another story) though my senior project seminar class leaves me wanting to murder someone. No fantastic analogies needed here folks, that class just makes me want to kill people. Every tuesday I go in there and am assigned another moronic chunk of busywork that inevitably just takes me away from the stuff I should be doing for my thesis. In an act of pure protest I've decided not to do any of the projects in that class, yep, just protest that's all...

On the complete polar opposite on the scale of how much I like my classes is my Chinese Philosophy class. I admit, going into this thing I really didn't have high hopes, but damned if I haven't been just blown out of the water since we started. I think one of my favorite sections of the course was Sun-Tzu's Art of War. Most of it is just plain common sense in battle strategies, but I love the final few passages that describe what soldiers are to do in a situation where they face almost certain death: Burn the carts and kill the oxen in preparation to make the final stand. This of course led to me and my friend Ryder constantly shouting things to the effect of "Burn the oxen! Murder the carts! Destroy our hats!" for the rest of the day.

I can't wait to get out of this school and enter into our soul-crushing workforce. Seriously, the thought of having a cubicle and actually being able to leave my work at work as opposed to taking it home with me everyday is actually exciting. So far I've got tentative plans to live with Amie, Sarah, and Tom and hopefully that'll work out. I mean, I know things with me and Amie'll be fine, I just hope things don't get weird if Tom, Amie, and I are all living in an enclosed space. He's not gonna do anything heinous, he's not that kinda guy, but I do think that he's just gonna end up resenting me or something. Mreh, doesn't really pay to worry about that stuff anyway.

Thanksgiving will be a nice change of pace. A few days off and the ability to actually see my family at home has me actually missing it, though I'm sure that won't last till Friday. I swear, I miss my parents and sisters, but the thought of returning to those mutts of ours actually chills me. Everytime I return my fuse gets shorter and shorter with those things and I feel like eventually my folks're gonna be gone for the day and come home to find a few new raised patches of dirt in the back yard. Can you really blame me though? There's only so much mindless blather I can take, and I mean c'mon, I can't kill Cassie as apparrently that's manslaughter. And as I've been told time and time again, manslaughter is wrong. I miss my friends back at home (which after the general receding of hanging out times consists of just Sarah and Tom, kinda sad but whatever) but I also miss my friends who have packed up and moved on their way like lil' Sara and Marc. Though I hafta say Sara your entries are something of both profound entertainment and insight, plus DAMN girl, I've known you since the third grade and never did I pick up on any hints of the sex drive you apparrently acquired once you moved out. I'm actually impressed, so congrats.

Okay, I think that's everything that's really been about recently, I'll try and update more but I ain't promising anything.

Okay it's saturday evening and I'm the only one in my apartment. I'm incredibly tired already. Why am I incredibly tired already? Well the answer is not necessarily shocking, but incredibly dorky. I spent the whole morning watching Amie's Season 1 Lost DVD's and damn am I hooked. Pretty sure ABC's trying to make another Twin Peaks with this one, only not as incessantly/creepily weird and hopefully they won't pull the plug before it's time and make it suck. Also I've been playing Mario Hoops 3 on 3 all day, a game which will forever live in infamy. This game is the most lifelike sports game I've ever played (despite moogles and giant turtles being the characters) merely because despite the fact that it's a videogame it's actually physically taxing to play.

"What?!" you're probably saying to me as you stroke your goatees and swish your brandy snifters in collective befuddlement, "It's just a handheld game you silly and devilishly handsome individual, you can't possibly tire from it." I assure you, one can. My left hand is cramped from playing this thing to the point where I'm mainly typing with my right currently. Plus, the damn thing's so difficult that I found myself screaming till red in the face and in many cases inventing new curses for that stupid freak Birdo (god I hate him/her, if it were real I'd kill him and then myself, not from guilt, but because I wanted to make sure I'd be able to have some part in torturing him when we both arrived in hell).

Tomorrow work will be done, I promise.

Well, I'm gonna skip the part where I apologize for not updating in god knows how long 'cause I think we all know at this point that I truly don't care. However, due to a request from someone I just couldn't refuse if I tried, I am once again writing.

Anyway, amazing weekend, and once again Happy Birthday Amie! Speaking of Miss Amie, she came over on Thursday, and we had much fun watching stuffs and hanging out. Then on Friday we hung out some more till she had to head back to school for things vitally important to her educational career. The rest of the day was devoted to me figuring out what I was to be wearing on Saturday, and then packing and just sorta waiting till the day after. Come Saturday I cleaned the apartment a bit, and then headed off with Amie, Sarah, and Tom to meet up with her friends. As this was the first meeting of the boyfriend to the girlfriend's closest aquaintences, I was understandably nervous...till I almost choked on how awesome they all were. Everyone was essentially an extremely nice ubergeek (or hilarious in Nick's case) and the evening was quite awesome. After that I went out to some place called Gotham to dance with ma girl for a bit, yes that's right, I the veritable troll of Purchase actually went to a club and participated in a large social gathering. The place was nice, I attempted to dance and ended up looking extremely caucasian, Amie was gorgeous, the music was...loud, and basically we all had a good time. Venus in particular was actually an amazing spectacle to behold, 'cause damn that boy can dance. Afterwards we all just sorta crashed at Josh's apartment, then the next morning we chilled, had breakfast, and went our separate ways. Yeah, I know, I managed to completely suck out all the interesting details from a weekend that could only be described as incredible, but discretion is the better part of valor as they say and I think I'm gonna be somewhat discrete on this post.

Anything else I wanna say for this evening? Other than it was perfect, no.

In the interest of fairness though, I will write down an anecdote from over the summer that I never wanna forget. So, this story takes place on my friend Ryan's birthday. Me being the sporting fellow I am, decide to drop by his party that evening, wish him my best, and participate in a bit of social inebriation. The night started off with me downing shot after shot of espresso flavored tequilla, I know what you're thinking, but that stuff tasted AMAZING. Seriously, that's what God drinks when he wants to get shitfaced. After that I started taking mixed drinks, and soon after once all the mixers were gone I was just downing cup after cup of vodka or jagermeister. I do not remember any portion of the evening after that. However, this is the story of what I did from several reliable sources: While sitting down outside I leaned back fast, bashing my head against a nearby flowerpot. I didn't notice being in the state I was in, however my friend Sarah's sister asked me if I was alright. After finding out that I'd apparrently hurt myself, I started yelling and cursing at the flowerpot, blaming it for my injury. This quickly escallated into fisticuffs between me and the inanimate object, and then eventually to me falling asleep. That is the story of how I lost a fight to a flower pot.

Well hello kiddies, been a while again hasn't it? I know I know, you're all completely atwitter to see what's been up. Well for God's sake stop begging and I'll tell you.

First things first, I've been sick since Monday. Now, when I say sick, I don't mean the "oh I don't feel well, I'm gonna lie down for a bit and have some soup." kind of sick. This is the kind of disease they write about in the Old Testament after somebody flipped off God. Monday and Tuesday were what I called the full on "throat days" of the contagion. On both of those days I couldn't speak at all, for a while I was so worried I began to wonder if I could pull off the name Harpo (though I must say, the mechanics of communicating primarily through a bicycle horn do still quite intrigue me). Wednesday was still pretty bad, I could talk but I sounded like a bird that got stabbed in the throat and it still felt like I was trying to swallow a needle sideways. Thursday was better, my throat was pretty much fine, save for the gigantic coughing fits. Personally I consider that a triumph of the human antibody system, what happens today? Well I just hope after a night's sleep I'll beat this thing.

Okay now that we've finished my harrowing tale of triumph over disease we can go onto more important matters. Last weekend was the Gashouse Gorrillas' comedy show titled: Come Clean. As per usual the lobby was turned into part of the show, where they sported suits and turned it into a sort of business convention thingie (it worked for the show's theme). Right as everyone was about to enter the theatre cue me weaseling my way through the crowd in costume. Let's just take a moment to discuss what I mean by "costume". I'm wearing a tee-shirt with a blue hawaiian shirt over that, cargo shorts, and black socks pulled up practically to my knees, all of course topped off by the beanie I was wearing atop my head. So, with my propellor in gear, I began circulating through the crowd, and used the talent that the Gorrillas sought me out for: randomly insulting people I saw. Some of my favorites were:

~Is that your date? It's so nice that you don't care about appearances.
~Does Notre Dame know you're gone?
~(To a short kid) Hey pal, Lilliput is thattaway.

So yeah, my part in the show was that I was a planted heckler. I'd toss a few insults in the beginning and then I'd storm out of the theatre, only to come back in at the end and mess up the whole show, coincidentally sending the Gorrillas to Hell and aquiring a Dodge Durango. Some of my favorite insults to them were:

~Ugh, that last joke was so bad I think it gave me cancer. Sweet Lord please send a sniper!
~Hey, what're the odds that four partially aborted fetuses would come together and form a comedy troupe?
~(To the audience)Hey everyone, have ya noticed that Steve hasn't closed his mouth to breathe yet?
~Jeez, look at all these empty seats, Carrot Top filled got more asses in chairs than you guys!

So yeah, that was quite fun, we had a great turnout and the cast party was insane. Other than that there's not much to report except for my leave due to spring break. I'll be staying at a friend's apartment on campus so I can pick up some extra money working, but I'm making the best of it by using his dining room table to make a little fort for me to stay in. And on that note, I'll see you crazy kids in a week!

Alright it has been a while kids, and I apologize. After about a week long break (thank you President's Days) give or take a few days I'm finally updating again. Hmm...catching up I am once more out of my funk and feelin' fancy free and all that crap.

Oh! I was recruited by the Gashouse Gorrillas during the break. For those of you that don't know they're this hilarious sketch comedy troupe at my school, now the show goes on this Friday and they just started putting it together about a day after they contacted me to join. So yeah, basically whenever I'm not in class or at work I'm down at the theatre helping them, 'cept for the break I got today. My part's really fun, basically I'm a planted heckler that's responsible for sending the main characters straight to hell. Long story short the part calls on two of my best features: my quick improv skills, and my slicing ability to insult people.

Everything else is pretty good, spent an assload of money on cards the other day which will prove to be very fun when they arrive (well what else am I gonna spend my money on?). Though I'm sure you all are just giddy with anticipation over my latest Goblin aquisition. Anyway, I should be back to my normal updates once the show's over, till then later kids!

Well it's St. Valentine's Day, and you all know what that means. I and all other single people turn into vicious, resentful human beings bent on bringing pain to those who are happy. I do so hate to be cliche about these things, but hey, it is tradition.

On that note, firing a nerf dart in someone's face and claiming to be Cupid is NOT a good way to avoid confrontation. Though, pointing to a potted plant and saying that they're on my campus' first reality tv show is a fantastic way to get outta trouble. More than likely tomorrow I'll be back to my normal chipper self, well hopefully anyway. I've been in a bit of a funk lately, nothing major mind you, just a general funk. Haven't been able to find the cause of or solution to said problem, but I'm sure things'll work themselves out.

After all, that is what things have a tendency to do.

That's right, my second entry in one day due to overwhelming boredom. Well, as there's one major thing I missed in my last post I do believe I'll talk about that for a bit.

Now, when I say major, don't think major as in my legs no longer work or I've found some nice girl to humor my various eccentricities. No this is major in a completely different way. For you see my friends and I have started a game of Assassin. Now traditionally this is played with squirt guns, however those weapons are messy and we've found a much better medium with which to "kill" each other.

Nerf guns. You heard right, Nerf guns, they're back and they're lethal. Currently our preferred weapon is the N-Strike Maverick Rev 6, a six shooter revolver type gun that is quite possibly the epitome of what toys should be. It can fire 30 feet, actually requires skill to use, and only costs eight American dollars! No, that's not a typo, a pseudo-weapon of this caliber (hehehe gun pun) is actually sold for less than ten bucks!

I'm very pleased to announce that while I'm not the sneakiest amongst my friends I am the fastest draw. Spring Break is gonna rock.

Alright kids, break out the party favors and the streamers (none of those annoying noise blaster things that always get blown in my ear), I'm back.

So lesse...new developments since I left. Hmm...well I'm still a nerd, still living the carefree life of a bachelor, and still utterly more brilliant than anyone you're ever gonna meet. About a month ago I was the winner of a Guildpact pre-release tournament in our area (look it up, then go shower to cleanse yourself of geek germs) so that's kinda nice and I found out I was a noble in the same weekend. Now I know what you're saying, "Tell us about the tournament oh holder of my senses!" Lemme respond first by saying Silence! Never question my storytelling methods! And now, the story to how I found out my nobility...

So I come back to school and my friends Jen and Zach announce that they're getting married on the 14th of August, which is fantastic as honestly they've essentially been married since shortly after the earth cooled and now they're just getting the ceremony done and over with. On top of that, Zach announces that he wants me to be one of his best men. It's me and his friend that he's had since third grade, as I've only known Zach for about two and a half years now, I'm honored to the point that if one could burst from such a thing I would have. Naturally we do the only thing we can to celebrate: get completely shitfaced. I mean I am talking about plunging into a level of "happy drunk" I didn't think could exist. Anyway, after that crazy night Zach informs me that as per his wants and Jen's Scottish heritage he's gonna wear his kilt to the wedding. After I make fun of him for his "man skirt" a smirk spreads across his face as he tells me that Brendon (the other best man) and I will be wearing kilts as well and so I need to find my proper tartan.

For those of you that don't know, the pattern on a kilt (the tartan) is different for each Scottish or Irish clan that one descends from. After doing a bit of digging (ie. asking my mom) I found out that I hail from the MacGuinness clan. Mind you this doesn't sound too interesting till I discover that the MacGuinnesses were huuuuuge landowners in Ireland and that they recieved the title of Baronet from the King. That being a hereditary title yadda yadda yadda, I'm now Sir Josh to you peasantfolk.

Now I'd say that was a fairly decent update for those of you that haven't heard from me (but still managed to keep me on your friends' list) for a few months. And I henceforth promise more updates to the screaming masses!

For now though, it's time for Italian so ciao.

Name 10 things that bring you a moment of joy, and tag 5 friends to do the same: (Not in any particular order)

1. Finishing a really excellent book.
2. That moment when I find the one precise piece of information I've spent five hours researching for (ex. How many whiskers does a chimera have? I'd better spend the rest of the day finding out...)
3. The perfect zing. Nothing beats that crushed look in the other person's eyes after you've nabbed 'em.
4. That part of the evening when I say, "Hello Kitten."
5. Finishing a game or beating a boss that I've been working on for an extremely long time, so in other words: Thank you Squaresoft. Velius, that goes double for you pal.
6. That moment after a particularly delicious and stuffing feast when one starts to truly ponder the mysteries of the hammock and decides to investigate.
7. Winning a game of Magic by drawing the one card you need when it's truly down to the wire. Yes that's right folks, huge nerd right here.
8. I know it's cliche, but the first snow of the season.
9. Making someone laugh really hard, this of course includes the dreaded snarf. Yeah I'm nigh unto a five year old, but c'mon, it's funny.
10. That first moment in the fall when every leaf is a nice golden color and it starts to get chilly.

And since I can really only tag one person on here, Sarah, you're it.

First things first kids: FUCKING OW! My knee did that thing again and since I'm not entirely sure what to blame it on I'm gonna go with the weather. For those of you not completely in the know, my knee has a tendency to pop out of place for no apparrent reason. I'm not entirely sure why either, but for years I've had to pop my kneecap back into place, the upside is that my threshold for pain is rather impressive, the bad side is rather obvious.

Well, now that we've got that done and over with, time for the daily recap. Today I had Precalc, and here's what I heard: blah blah blah Russian gibberish blah blah blah. Then lunch, nothing too different, the standard reheated slop they serve every day. Afterwards came the time of much geeking! Just the normal day when I hung out with the guys and played video games, Magic, etcetera. The first in what I've been told is a ten day rain has begun today, and I really don't know if the sky could possibly have any more wetness to dump down on me. I'm really looking forward to a spot of relaxing tomorrow, getting some reading done, and wondering how long it'll rain before I'm forced to evolve gills.

My final note is the best quote of the day, Zach: (When holding a pumpkin) "Man that is the biggest fucking orange apple I've ever seen!" And yes, you did have to be there.

Well hello anyone who might've stumbled across this, I'm Josh and this is my new livejournal. Corny welcome innit? Well shut up this is my first journal, I promise it'll look better soon once I figure out all the little bells and additional whistles of this thing.

I suppose putting down what I did today would probably be a decent thing to do for my opening entry wouldn't it? Well I got up rather tired this morning, had a fairly exhausting evening and an even more exhausting time trying to get to sleep. After two hours of staring at the clock (and nearly burning a hole in it with my psychic mind powers), I managed to force myself to pass out which is almost like falling asleep I guess. Anyway, woke up and did the morning routine per usual, went off to my Chaucer class and thoroughly enjoyed that. Mind you, I never take notes in this class and I always feel guilty about it, but it's still really interesting. Then I went back to my room and read for a bit before heading off to lunch with Becka and Janna. After about an hour of not studying we headed off to Italian where I nearly passed into a coma. It never ceases to amaze me how my teacher doesn't ever notice that I go to class and sit in the back row everyday, mouth agape and drooling like a lobotomized chimp. Oh well, it beats listening to that crazy ol' bat. After classes I bumped into Zach and Dan and nerded it up profusely with some Magic before heading back to my place and talking to the most amazing girl in the world. You read right, she was talking to me and I don't get it either, the planets must be in alignment or something.

For the most part that's all I've done for today, I guess I should end on some sort of funny story. Well here's one that happened today, I was walking back from the Hub with my friends Dan and Ryder when the subject of recycling came up. Now, my stance on anything pro environment is typically that I'm all against it. Trying to save the environment only prevents mankind from reaching it's ultimate universal destiny but that's another rant altogether. Anyway, the subject of recycling comes up and I take a fierce stance and angrily glare at both my now perplexed friends. Turning to face them I then say, "Okay, enough of this recycling crap, I'm sick and tired of all these new diseases coming out of nowhere and I'm gonna fight back! Time to force Mother Nature to her knees and shoot a big ol' wad of pollution right in her face." After a few seconds we all burst out laughing and I finally have something to say to those Greenpeace guys that come around campus every year asking for signatures.